Your Best Coach Has Been Here the Whole Time

Unlocking the power of your inner dialogue.

December 05, 2024

Hi, legend!

Welcome to the first edition of The High Performance Brief. I’m so grateful for your support. For more than a decade I’ve been actively exploring ways to get more out of myself. I decided to write this newsletter to share my learnings, and help others to connect with powerful strategies for self improvement. I believe in the ideas that I’m promoting because they have helped me to live a happier, healthier life, and perform when it matters most. I truly hope that you will find some value in them too.

Most people are familiar with the 'inner critic' and have inevitably experienced its influence. It took me far too many years to realise that we can also cultivate an inner coach. 💡 

Learning about the origins and impact of my internal dialogue was both eye-opening and empowering. It became one of the most effective steps I’ve taken in my pursuit of higher performance. I was surprised by how often my inner critic showed up and the weight of what it was saying. On the flip side, I was amazed at the instant changes that came from cultivating my inner coach and allowing it a ‘right of reply’ when things got ugly.

As a new manager of a team during a stressful and busy period at work, I began to notice the hypocrisy in my thoughts and actions. As a leader, I was committed to creating an environment of encouragement and support in the face of mistakes and challenges; this is not only aligned with my personal values, but generally considered to be best practice. I found myself forgiving, encouraging, and supporting staff through their errors, while I tore myself to shreds over similar things. I would never speak to another person the way I was speaking to myself. As I caught myself in this spiral, I made a conscious effort to correct. I was able to use direct quotes from conversations with staff - things that I personally said and believed - to overcome my inner critic. In the coming days I began to feel more relaxed and focused at work, and my accuracy improved as a result.

Who is the inner critic? 👹

The inner critic originates from ‘danger-avoidance’ experiences every child goes through. It may echo the voices of parents or caregivers from early life, serving as a highly effective self-protective mechanism—but it needs limits. Born from our evolutionary need for safety, it struggles to differentiate between physical and conceptual threats. This is when the gut-wrenching, palm-sweating torrents of fear invade our daily lives. The inner critic ‘keeps you safe’ by placing risk, threat, and fear front and centre.

Social acceptance is a powerful driver of well-being, which is why our cautious inner critic may react in a similar way to how it would address a physical hazard. If you reflect long enough, you can probably recall a moment from childhood when you were scolded for something that wasn’t physically dangerous, but could result in embarrassment, shame, or humiliation. Even today, the thought of behaving the same way may trigger feelings of anxiety, disgust, or disappointment. These reactions are deeply ingrained in your psyche. They have probably echoed and grown over time, and the original advice may still be valid—or it may have been misdirected from the start. Regardless, the true intention behind that voice has been lost, and now your inner critic uses it to hold you back.

Action 1️⃣: Accept the role of your inner critic, and pay attention to their qualities. When do they show up? What do they say? When we acknowledge that our inner critic exists for good reason and is only trying to help, we can reduce inner conflict and react more rationally.

Enter: the inner coach. 🦸🏻

Over time, I have experimented with ‘positive self-talk’ and ‘self-love’ practices, but they didn’t come naturally and often felt misdirected. They seemed forced. When I began channelling this thinking through my ‘inner coach’, the results were remarkable.

By allowing my inner coach to speak up, the constructive dialogue felt more authentic and grounded, because it came from a place of self-awareness and growth, rather than empty affirmation. The inner coach isn't about pep talks or mindless positivity - it’s about offering yourself the same wisdom, encouragement, and perspective that a great mentor or supportive friend would provide during times of challenge. It’s the voice that helps you see beyond your failures, embrace setbacks as learning opportunities, and refocus your attention on what’s possible, not what’s scary.

When my inner coach started to take centre stage, I noticed an immediate shift in my mindset. Instead of spiralling into self-doubt after a mistake, I was able to ask myself, "What can I learn from this? What would I tell a friend in the same situation?" This simple reframing opened up a new world of opportunity and resilience.

Here’s the thing: You get to decide which voice you amplify. Yes, the inner critic will still show up—especially when you’re stepping into new territory or facing high stakes. But you can diminish its power by consciously fostering the inner coach’s perspective. The key is creating space for it, whether through meditation, journaling, or simple reflection, and intentionally strengthening that empowering voice each day.

Action 2️⃣: Legitimise your inner coach, and build their repertoire. You could focus on the sort of things that you’d say to someone else in a similar position, or imagine what a coach or mentor in your life might say.

Examples of the inner critic/coach dialogue 🗣️ :

What if they don’t like me? » Not everybody has to like me.

I suck at public speaking. » This is a great opportunity to improve my public speaking.

Everybody is so much better at this than I am. » What can I learn from those around me?

I can’t do anything right. » Everybody makes mistakes, and mistakes help me learn.

Conclusion:

The power of a well-cultivated inner coach is immense. Not only does it improve performance, but it can fundamentally change the way you approach challenges, relationships, and growth. So, take a moment to check in with your internal dialogue today. Give your coach a chance to speak up, and watch your confidence, clarity, and success soar. 🚀

Thanks for getting this far. I hope you got something out of today’s newsletter. If you know someone who would enjoy content like this, please spread the word! I’d also love to hear your thoughts via return email. 🍻

Disclaimer: The High Performance Brief is for general education purposes only. The content is not a substitute for professional healthcare or psychological services. If you have any health/mental health concerns, please consult a qualified professional.